When love hurts

The home is the most common place where violence in close relationships occurs. Many people are subjected to violence by a partner or a family member. Violence often starts with jealousy and control and slowly becomes part of everyday life.
Violence in close relationships can be psychological, physical, or sexual.

• Psychological violence includes hurtful comments,
like being told you are worthless or ugly.

• Physical violence can involve being grabbed harshly,
pushed, held down, pulled by the hair, or hit.
 

At first, the change might be subtle — your partner may become angry or jealous, or suddenly set rules that you must follow. For example, you may be told to be home at a specific time or forbidden to meet your friends.

Over time, you may change your behaviour to please your partner or avoid making them jealous. As this happens, your self-esteem often begins to drop. Many victims start to believe the abuse is their fault because they are repeatedly told so.

Sexual violence can include harassment or assault.

It often begins when your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries. For example, they may continue to touch you after you’ve asked them to stop or get angry if you say you don’t want to have sex. Many people experience pressure or persuasion to do things they don’t really want to do. After a while, it can be hard to know what is okay and what isn’t. You might get used to being hurt.

It’s also common for a violent partner to switch between being loving and abusive. They might apologise, promising it won’t happen again. But for most people, the violence returns. Often, the relationship gradually worsens, with more control, threats, sexual abuse, physical assault, or even rape becoming part of daily life.

Violent relationships rarely improve on their own. The person using violence needs professional help. It’s very difficult to break free from a relationship marked by violence. You might feel scared or hopeful that things will improve. It’s also common to lose contact with friends and family. Your partner may forbid you from seeing them, or you might withdraw on your own because it feels easier.

If someone asks how things are at home, it’s common to lie and say everything is fine. You may feel ashamed of what is happening or worry that people will think badly of your partner. This can make you feel very lonely.

Help is available.


No one should have to endure violence — in any form. It can be hard to seek support, but telling someone what’s going on is the first step toward feeling better.
You can contact social services, a healthcare centre, a women's shelter, if you are experiencing violence in your relationship. Tell someone what is happening.

You don’t need to know what decisions to make next — what matters most is that you reach out for help.